The Spinster's Exploits

Sex, sensuality and possibly spanking after seventy…

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The Spinster is a 70-year-old South Walian who doesn’t believe sex, sensuality and fun stop at seventy. There is more to growing old disgracefully than wearing purple 💜- although she does love purple! She considers herself to have dual sexuality as she loves vanilla but something gets unleashed when she is spanked by the right person… She is excited to have reached this significant milestone and thrilled to discover erotic possibilities can be there for the taking. Oh! And she can be a touch up herself and talk about herself in the third person – but nothing a good spanking won’t cure!😉🤭

  • Situationships

    My lovely weekend with my delightful established sub-identifying switchy lover included a “party” we’d decided to attend. We thought it was a social for local members of the kink site of which we’re both members. We met originally at a pub social for said people. This party was at a private room in a pub and would be socialising and games.
    Looking at signed up members, it would appear that majority of attendees would be Dommes/Goddesses and subs that he’d met at his two recent events – interesting!
    Was not quite as expected. The Domme/Goddess who arranged it was also a member of a site for swingers/polyamorists and all but us and a Domme/Godess he recognised, but nit spoken to, were strangers – it was more a meeting of swingers. And I was the oldest in the room! We played the type of games you’d play at a hen do and all good fun if a little chaotic.
    And I learnt a new word – situationship! It seems to mean a relationship that lacks a specific label or a defined future. Sounded good to me! I thought Euston – we have a definition  – we’re in a situationship!
    However, when I googled, while trying to avoid bloody AI, I discovered more nuance and some negatives. 
    According to the mighty Google and the dodgy AI  “A ‘situationship’ is a romantic or sexual connection that lacks clear commitment, labels, or a defined future. It exists in the ‘grey area’ between a casual fling and an official relationship, often offering the emotional and physical benefits of a partnership without the associated obligations.”
    I think it’s great to have a word for those early days  when you’re not yet sure if you’re an “item” or not. I remember the agonising and the embarrassment at references to boyfriends, when I didn’t know if said chap actually was! And lacking a defined future or label seems to fit my established sub-identifying switchy lover and me perfectly. But within that I feel there is commitment to our situationship/relationship as long as it works for us both.
    And most of the discussion around situationships seem to focus on insecurity of finding oneself in one rather than choosing a label-challenging open relationship. I shall carry on thinking of myself and the lovely subby/switchy one as sort-of-dating I think!
    Meanwhile – since this addition to my vocabulary, I think my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf may have found himself in a “situationship”! 
    He met a very nice woman through a site used for all sorts of connections including casual hookups – the app our party-giver uses! The nice woman in question has circumstances that may make her vulnerable. He told her he was a cross dressing bisexual, with a Mistress (me!) and that he has casual hookups. She was fine with this. Within a week she’s been cooking for him, inviting him to stay the night and had full sex – her first time in more than three years. He wasn’t comfortable with staying over, but instead of saying so, made an excuse of busy-ness.
    Without knowing the woman, I think that despite his initial honesty of lifestyle, she may think the level of their togetherness, may indicate a move to exclusivity and commitment. I have strongly advised him to have a conversation with her to ensure she and he can make an informed choice about what their situation actually is and what they want to do next. I can see how it can be easy to find oneself in a quite confusing “situationship”.

    I am also aware of manipulative monogamists. I once had a lovely sexual and kink relationship with a man I really liked and we were both exploring polyamory. A woman he approached said she wanted exclusivity, so he thought that was it. She then changed her mind and started seeing him and they started a sexual and kink relationship. And then she got “uncomfortable” about me and started putting restrictions on what he was allowed to do with me. And he went along with this and I was fine about it. But the “discomfort” grew,… And she was needier than me with a more complicated life. And it got to the point where he felt he needed to make a choice. Unsurprisingly, I lost out to the monogamist – she may well have been lovely, but I suspect I was easier to leave  as a strong woman who enjoyed him rather than one who was vulnerable and suddenly needed him.

    And back to my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf – he may be in danger of taking advantage of an apparently vulnerable woman – or be in danger of getting stitched up like the proverbial kipper! He is a kind person and possibly a soft touch. It’s obviously in their hands now…

  • Holiday Quickie 2 – Retail therapy

    Having a great time in Devon, despite dodgy weather. I was also having a lovely time getting retail therapy in one of the lovely little harbour towns. I was making such exciting purchases as a practical purse identical to my current one for when it wears out plus Thai nasal inhalers – because why wouldn’t you? They seem as marvellous as Lucozade and Mars bars before the powers that be decided advertisers could not tell outright lies about stuff being good for us.


    And after this and a wonderful bacon bap,  I was feeling just a little cranky because my feet were hurting and it was a grey day. An ice-cream and a sit down helped and I got a second wind, and so I was tempted by an interesting looking clothes shop. I saw some dresses that fitted into the space between boring old fart and mutton dressed as lamb.
    And as I was approaching the changing room some black lace, ribbon and metal caught my eye. Two gorgeous corset-style topped dresses whispered “Try me” – so I did. My friend noticed them too and wondered if I would. She did ask where I’d wear them and I decided they were definitely for “at home”! I also told her I thought my lovers would approve and one might want to borrow it! She took it in her stride that I had a cross-dresser in my life.

  • Holiday Quickies 1 – lovely weekends

    Holiday Quickies 1
    I am on a weekend away with a female friend who doesn’t know about my kink side exactly but knows I have a fabulous sexlife.
    So thought this an opportunity for me to practise some brevity and put down some thoughts that have been in my head.
    Had a fabulous non-erotic weekend with my delightful sub-identifying, switchy lover. He’s still not recovered from weird cold-like lurgy so we had a weekend of mainly blobbing with lots of episodes of ‘Bones’. He paid for a delicious meal in a restaurant I recommended but was new to him, and I cooked a rather good roast lamb Sunday lunch.
    I have recently been working on info and advice for over 50s – including stuff on loneliness, physical contact and sensuality. I state and believe that delicious food is a sensual experience. I love sex, but sensuality is so much wider and very satisfying.  As is spending time with someone whose company you enjoy and simple physical touch.

  • First World Problems of a quite kinky septuagenarian -electric blankets and bondage kits

    I hate changing the bedding! Today I decided to take off the electric under-blanket. It was made more difficult by how it somehow entangled its straps with the straps of the webbing of my underbed bondage system!  I managed to wrestle them apart and must test out the bondage straps some time. Oh! And must remember to get them tucked back up before the cleaners’ next visit!

  • The joy of vampirism and goth girl-ism

    I’ve not been at my most sophisticated recently. I am thrilled to be thrilled by the undoubted sexiness of the True Blood vampires that I am now watching on DVD – I am so retro! As said – was quite shocked but entertained by the X-rated human sex that’s quite graphic. I’m not a porn watcher, so my idea of graphic will be quite low key, but I find True Blood sexy and amusing.

    And of course, my viewing got me thinking – always dangerous! And I just happen to have Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” – the bestselling vampire/teenage girl romance that was a sell-out some time ago. A friend had it, and thought I’d like it – she was right! I did enjoy it and the steaminess came from desire and a lack of sex. I was fine with that, but curious and had vague recollections of reading about an author who wrote vampire stuff that was seen as a coded abstinence message. And of course, it WAS Stephanie Myers.

    I can see the excitement of abstinence/delayed gratification, in these days of hyper-sexuality and the pornification of culture. The cover plays up on temptation theme without implying the lack of gratification within – a fabulous red apple in the hand of a pale armed young woman – very Garden of Eden! As a fully paid up – if sloppy – pedant, I would just like to point out that the Eden fruit is unnamed in whatever version of The Bible you may have, and the apple idea is the result of cultural interpretation.

    But I digress – as so often! – So no sex – And here comes the spoiler alert if you’ve not worked out the lack of sex already. I can also see why putting up with possibility of death due to passion as a teenage girl, but having a restrained “lover” who protects you from himself and is prepared to suffer the pains of abstinence for the girl’s sake can seem romantic and passionate. A long way from teenage male demands and alleged damage caused by to their sex organs if their girlfriend or potential girlfriend doesn’t put out!

    I think it is fabulous to have sex with whoever you choose, if they want it too. I am saddened by a culture where young girls feel obligated to perform like porn stars while fearing being labelled for doing so. And when I worked with young women, some believed someone who truly loved you wouldn’t want to have sex with you!  It’s easy to see the popularity of “Twilight” among teenage girls and even their older sisters…

    Luckily I’m a pretty senior grown-up able to follow my own desires. When I looked up Ms. Myers, there was some sniffiness about her prose, but I thoroughly enjoyed “Twilight” and its unrequited passion as much as I would enjoy them more classically represented in a Jane Austen!

    Now that my vampire appetite is whetted, I fancy a re-read of “Daughters of Darkness: Lesbian Vampire Stories” edited by Pam Keesey. I cannot remember what I was looking for or buying at the time in the nineties, but it was a recommendation by a bookseller for some reason. Despite my heterosexual history, I am certainly open to lesbian and gay based stories and remember enjoying the collection.

    Happy reading!

  • Toe sucking while doing a sudoku…

    …receiving rather than giving, if you’re asking…

    So, as I continue to explore the nursery slopes of domestic-Domme-ing my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf I wonder if this is an achievement or sign of me losing the plot.

    Since the big telling-off I asked him to let me know if he wanted to continue with me as his kinky life coach/probation officer or not. Happy to play either way, but I was not happy with having gone to the trouble of setting something up, and him not complying after agreeing.

    He has updated his little book and is enthusiastic about his changes, so I decided I’d take charge of him again and see how it goes. And him naked at my feet giving me a lower leg and foot massage seemed an excellent idea. And I noted that it also seemed to put my hyper rather frenetic S-C-D-S-E into quite a calm place. And I figured that as I was in charge, relaxing with a little sudoku to accompany his pleasant ministrations might be rather nice.

    He was promised a beating for sneaky kisses of my feet without permission, then given permission to do so. All rather pleasurable as I lay back with said sudoku. And then he asked permission to suck my toes. I must admit my toes are somewhat virginal of such attention, but I had no reason to refuse so permission was granted. I found it strange, but agreeable, and it did not impede the sudoku!

    He was later suitably punished and rewarded for misdemeanours and achievements, and we both had a delightful time. I am still astonished at how much fun I find in dominating, beating and slightly damaging willing men! It is so contrary to a lifetime of spankee fantasies and desires – it just feels mad to discover new strings to my erotic bow in my seventies!

  • Thwarted by life, him and fate – power games to make me dizzy

    “And luckily my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover is due for a visit this weekend, and our switchy games require no such deep thought and ethical dilemmas – just fun!” – Well – that came back to bite me! I think I got more than singed by him, life, the universe and some amused gods/esses!

    So, what was the great feminist plan for the weekend? Seemed simple. I’d not seen my lovely E-P-S-I-S-L for three weeks and was very keen to see him again.

    Quick recap – two weekends ago he was off gallivanting and possibly getting a flirting opportunity with the woman he knows in everyday life, who was possibly interested. And that was to be followed by a BDSM event of Dommes and Goddesses with sub servers and worshippers including opportunities for one-on-one action and impact play – including with a Domme who interests him.

    He’d had a lovely time at the event and it had left him buzzing. And he had spent time alone with the Domme who interests him. And his flirtation with the every-day-life-woman continues although – like many flirtations – puzzles as much as it progresses in its own sweet way.

    We’d arranged to meet the following weekend, but he had a chance to attend a one-off event to do with one of his interests. I wanted him to see me, but realised this was not really reasonable as the event was a one-off. But decided I could use it playfully and channel my frustration. I decided he could pay for his “neglect” by a worshipful weekend of me!

    Now for good emotional and practical reasons, we mainly meet at my place. And it really suits us both. It so happens, we are both people pleasers – as well as sneaky control freaks – and we mainly have fabulous fun together whatever we do. But as we meet at mine, I automatically go into hostess role and makes sure I have food and drink in, and house is comfortable. I think of places to go and things to do, change the bed, sometimes dress up, ensure toys are out and anything I can think of for his comfort. And as a people pleaser and someone who really likes him, I’m happy to do so.

    But when feeling disappointed and frustrated by extra week apart I came up with idea of him looking after me for a change in my home. So, I decided no cooking, he could change the bed and he could pay for all our meals. He would think of options for my entertainment and eating, and I would choose which I fancied.

    And of course, it would be the first seriously hot day of the year that he arrived! I was naked and comfortable. He looked knackered and hot so I offered a cup of tea. He refused on the grounds that he’d not be up to bed-making if he sat down, so went to make the bed. It was only retrospectively, that I realised that by stating such terms he’d made a power move on me! When we were thinking of places to eat, he was telling me which ones didn’t appeal to him – including my favourite – so much for offering me options.

    And I know that like the weather, his developing a cold, was not a power move, but the planned weekend sort of went out of the window! I cannot in all conscience do anything but look after a poorly guest, and he is absolutely fabulous when I am unwell, so I donned my invisible hostess with the mostest mantle and my role as Queen of the Lemsip (other cheaper brands also available) with reasonable good grace.

    The hot lemon may have had a hidden ingredient as he awoke quite randy on Saturday morning, despite an impressive orgasm the previous afternoon. And the idea of a fuck really appealed to me. He happily obliged. It was excellent if slightly painful – More anon*

    Concern for his well-being and not anti-socially spreading his germs meant a rethink for the weekend. The planned visit to a Welsh chat group and attendance of a Welsh language play we’d agreed, gave way to a possible walk and outdoor eating. And once again his “options” were ensuring I knew what HE wanted! I pointed out that this was typical, and I didn’t do it. And he readily acknowledged that he did it and knowingly. So, we bantered about control-freakery, and I decided that while we were both sneaky control freaks I was less controlling than him. And of course, this is my opinion and my blog, but I did get acknowledgement of his “tricks”. I am obsessive about fairness, so I have some ideas to even things up…

    And so we had a lovely weekend, but went shopping so I could cook us a Sunday lunch, and had a lovely Chinese take away Saturday night. And, as said, generally a lovely weekend. I didn’t feel I’d been “pampered” however, so that is still to come.

    We started Sunday morning with him perkier and my radio 4 fix of Broadcasting House. I cam back from the loo to find him waiting for me with a certain cushion on the bed and a wicked gleam. He decided I needed spanking, but as he was apparently fighting his streak of coercive control, I could choose my implements! I was excited, amused and bemused at this entertaining variation and quite thrown. I like gentler implements for erotic sensation, but a spanking isn’t a spanking without pain, and that wonderful just-about-bearable/please stop/or not… confusion. So, I chose a hairbrush, cane and carpet beater.

    He decided that wasn’t enough – so much for “Ladies’ Coice”! I grudgingly picked a few more and he appeared satisfied.

    As said before – I am rubbish at identifying what is being used on me, but the narrower range helped. Although I know for a fact I didn’t choose the dreaded nasty, thuddy bath brush, nor the spiteful fucking fly swat – and those I did recognise! “Ladies’ Choice” had obviously gone out of the window, much to the amusement of us both.

    I had a fabulous post-spanking orgasm and repaid him with nipple clamps, pin wheel, scratches and bites! For some reason I love biting him and need to be careful not to break his skin.

    I’ve a feeling that the power games are going to be an interesting negotiation of our sort-of-relationship and a source of future entertainment.

    *I want to talk about painful sex again but not at the moment

  • The drama of domination!

    In my “definitely a spankee and only here to meet possible spankers” days I did attend some BDSM events in South Wales because there were no spanko munches. I clung grimly to my definitely-spankee-and-not here-to-play identity with the grim determination that I’d once guarded my virginity! But as a nosy bitch, of COURSE I was fascinated! And I was genuinely open-minded about everyone else’s freedom to do whatever they liked as well as they observed the safe, sane and consensual code.

    And it was at a BDSM munch I heard a couple of lifestyle Dommes bemoaning the sometimes-exhausting nature of making the decisions for their sub life partners. And I remember rolling my metaphorical eyes and issuing a virtual sigh at the drama of it all. Although I noted the said subs looked very happy and un-weary as the ‘grown-ups’ chuntered on.

    And now I found myself possibly a little singed by own petard as I explore the nursery slopes of domestic-Domme-ing my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf.

    As a spankee I’ve also had an issue of equality and fairness when people live sub/Dom(me) lifestyle. A lovely subby friend once told me that when he and his Domme life partner had a falling out, they then sorted out issue including any blame. And he got “punished” as a closure ritual rather than because he was at fault and she wasn’t. I thought that was excellent.

    I have also been concerned by Dom/mes and Spankers who talk about punishments that have been meted out to subs and spankees who have done stuff that is genuinely bad for them. They may “hate” severe punishment at the time, but likely to be a turn-on as well and/or later… How to genuinely punish a spankee or sub seems quite a challenge, although I understand that for many subs their Dom/me’s displeasure is the worst punishment.

    So – my subby cross-dressing spiritual elf has agreed to an on-going relationship with me as his newbie Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer. And since we agreed, he has indulged in behaviours and thoughtlessness that I consider bad for his well-being – You can probably see where this is going…

    As a friend, I want what’s best for him, and don’t want to reward bad behaviour. I told him in no uncertain terms how unhappy I was and why, and that I expected him to change his behaviour if we were to continue.

    We agreed to meet at quite short notice and I think he was all prepared for severe “punishment”. So that’s what he got – a telling off and a brain storming session on  new rules of behaviour so that he knew exactly what was expected and why. My S-C-D-S-E is absolutely a free agent, and I like him spreading his wings, but I expect him to stick to any agreements we make that are intended to help him improve his life and have fun.

    And I did provide a nourishing lunch of home-made soup and home-cooked ham but absolutely no other physical rewards or punishments, save a good-bye hug.

    He has homework – writing up his misdemeanours, starting to change his negative behaviours and providing me with a record of changes.

    And once that has been done, I will punish him for said misdemeanours in a way that should be fun and satisfying for both of us – well, that’s the plan…

    Phew – I’m knackered! So pleased I am only part-time Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer to my S-C-D-S-E! And luckily my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover is due for a visit this weekend, and our switchy games require no such deep thought and ethical dilemmas – just fun!

    Right – I think I need a little lie down in my lovely scorchio conservatory with my latest Marian Keyes re-read – it’s a hard life but somebody has to do it!

  • Weekend Pleasures

    Well – last weekend I was all psyched up to beat up my Established, polyamorous sub-identifying switchy lover on trumped-up charges of insulting me. But it was a scorching afternoon in my conservatory where I was practicing my naturism and he looked weary and started stripping off, so I did the decent thing – and offered him a cuppa. And the moment seemed to pass, and we had a weekend of simple pleasures – Rummikub, my version of coq au vin, lots of TV, blobbing, my Welsh chat group, and a walk in a country park. I was pleased we got to see the last of the bluebells and he was happy to see a little family of birds on the river – possibly dippers – I’m not so hot on birds – he knew, but my memory is hazy…

    And we were having a lazy start to Sunday, when I was thinking – another lovely weekend of friendship and non-blush-making benefits when I rushed to the loo after the delightful Paddy O’Connell on R4’s Broadcasting House. And on my return there was a cushion in the centre of the bed as he had decided to celebrate 12 months of fun with me by giving ME a beating! I think I may have huffed and protested, but a bit hollow. I’m all for unexpected fun in the sex/kink area!

    He had thought about 12 times 12 with using various implements, but decided that was a bit much! However, by the time he’d tried out a fair number of my hitty toys, I’m not sure there many less than 144 strokes!

    And he was generous enough to give me lots of attention resulting in a lovely orgasm, and I repaid him with nipple clamps, pinwheel, scratching and biting. I have never really been a biter, but somehow, I can’t resist! I love teasing and nursery-slope-torture. And feel quite safe that he is pretty tough thanks to the pain and pleasure he gets elsewhere.

    Which brings us neatly to this weekend! He was off gallivanting and possibly getting a flirting opportunity with the woman he knows in everyday life, who was possibly interested. And this was to be followed by a BDSM event of Dommes and Goddesses and sub servers and worshippers. It was a follow-up from his last event with more opportunities for one-on-one action and impact play* and the Domme who interests him would be there again and they had exchanged casual correspondence. So he was in for an exciting time!

    I had a very pleasant weekend that included tai-chi qi gong, sorting my freezer, catching up with filing including bits of paper that were over 12 years old – very satisfying but definitely not a spectator sport! And lots of puzzle, novel-reading, radio and TV. And my Subby Spiritual Elf got in touch as he had a free weekend, so we decided to have a day out. We were going to go to a spiritual fayre, but he got the date wrong. So then it was a witchy one, but that too was for another weekend. And so we ended up on a steam train which was lovely and followed by a drive back through the valleys and I rewarded him with a trip to my local Chinese eatery.

    We were fit for very little other than a cuppa and some TV. I offered him the opportunity to dress up, and he did so – and came back in a new maid’s costume. So after some TV we went through his punishment/log book and he’d not quite got it, but had had a go and his writing was very neat. And he promised to do it properly, when I showed him what was expected. And it semed rude not to punish him as he was all dressed up and he HAD picked up his phone when driving, AND got into bad vaping habits…

    As said – I’m a bit of a softy on the giving and receiving end of punishment and avoid the eye-watering stuff, but I do now love swinging an implement and reddening a bum – And I am rather enjoying being a newbie Domestic Domme and Kinky Life Coach/Probation Officer! We had lots of ideas about possible punishments and rewards as I punished and rewarded him, so hopefully the log book and new system should work out well for as long as it is something he wishes to do.   

    *Impact play is what I call playing with my hitty toys and spanking. He is so BDSM compared with me. Like all groups, BDSMers have their jargon and anacronyms. He’d done a questionnaire re interests, desires, boundaries etc for his event and CBT was one of his choices for a good time. And I honestly couldn’t think what it was – cock and ball torture to the uninitiated – not to be mixed up with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as he pointed out!

  • A quick reflection on my “journey”

    I was just thinking about “that” ad when I was looking for cyber thrills, while keeping my knickers literally and metaphorically in place!

    I still find the idea of an old-fashioned hand spanking a really sexy idea. Over a knee is not very practical if you are bigger and older but over his knee along a sofa works rather well. “Assume the position” is all very well, but for me as a spankee rather than full-on sub, holding a difficult position is a turn-off that interferes with the main event – the spanking. And yes – being bent over something is very erotic – as is recent experience of kneeling on bucket chair and bending over the back of it – very weak-knee’d…

    And punishment by a lover or potential lover is still the main erotic fantasy. And I’m still very influenced by 50’s movies and imagery – but with stretchier stockings, suspenders and knickers. And I love the petticoats! Bosses, men in authority and similar all still get a starring role, but in SpinsterWorld they want to be with me and are torn between spanking and fucking – although spanking happens as a gateway… In real life, it’s usually easier to trust someone with sex before opening the toy box…

    …aah yes, the toy box… I think I lack a dap, but have written about them! Hairbrushes and slippers are wonderful pervertibles lying around the house and hairbrushes are definitely among my favourites. Like a hand they can be teasing and just sexy as a sensation or can pack a hearty and ouch-y wallop!   I have various paddles including a leather one with a Welsh dragon and some wooden ones –  one of which, I acquired in America!

    I have a gorgeous old rattan carpet beater and a new one. They provide a great and sting-y thwack, but I worry about their very survival! I still can’t take wooden spoons seriously, but they are mean buggers that have earned their place in the toybox.. I still go weak at the knees with apprehension and uncertainty at the thought of a swishy cane, firm yardstick or whippy plastic ruler but would feel short-changed if they DIDN’T feature! They have earned their place in the urn – too big for the toybox! I love, hate, respect and dread canes.

    I still  like clothing to be there for appropriate rearranging and uncovering but in reality, nudity dos not seem at all boring. And I’m still not into humiliation other than actual spanking and appropriate lecture on behaviour and fate, but now find some level of Domination from my lovely switchy but sub-identifying polyamorous lover unbelievably sexy and knee-weakening, especially when I fantasise about him swishing a switch!

    And of course I’m happily polyamorous and a bit switchy and have now beaten two men and get very aroused doing so…